The Salt Line, Vol. 13: A Comeback, a Giraffe, and a Casino Boat Sleeping With the Fishes
Welcome back to The Salt Line — the Gulf Coast news roundup written at a picnic table where the only thing more relentless than the heat is the ant colony that has decided my left flip-flop is now its homeland. Volume 13. Lucky for some. Let’s get into it.
⚾ A Resurrection Has Occurred and I, For One, Am Emotional
Last week in this very column I asked you to check on your friends the Pensacola Blue Wahoos, who were being publicly tormented by a man named Ibarra and losing in ways that bordered on the theatrical. Well. Pour one out, then pour one back in, because the Wahoos came back from down 7-0 to win 12-7 in the comeback of the season. Twelve unanswered runs. That’s not a baseball game, that’s a redemption arc with a concession stand. I held a vigil last Thursday and now I look like a fool, and I have never been happier to look like a fool. The Wahoos live. Hang the banner. Tell Ibarra.
🦒 Geoffrey Lives
In news that physically transported me back to a linoleum aisle in 1994, the iconic Toys “R” Us brand is reinventing itself and returning to Alabama — the first store to open in coastal Alabama since the big-box outlets closed eight years ago. Geoffrey the Giraffe is back, baby, and he is apparently unkillable, which makes him the single most resilient retail mascot of my lifetime. The company went bankrupt. The stores closed. And the giraffe simply… waited. In the tall grass. Biding his time. I don’t fully understand the business model but I respect a comeback, and this is now officially Comeback Week on the Gulf Coast.
🚢 We Are, On Purpose, Sinking a Casino Boat
A former casino boat out of Indiana is going to become an artificial reef off the coast of Orange Beach, getting sunk next week to help build out the reef systems offshore. I love everything about this. A boat that spent its life separating people from their money in Indiana will now spend eternity as a luxury condo for red snapper. The house always wins, except now the house is at the bottom of the Gulf and the only chips are literally fish. Genuinely a beautiful second act for a vessel. Send it down with a single blackjack table for ambiance.
🛺 A Man Named Tater Has Beaten City Hall
A court has cleared newly-elected Baldwin County Commissioner John Carl “Tater” Harris III in a Gulf Shores golf cart rental case, winning a separate legal fight against the city. I want to be respectful of the judicial process here, so I’ll just say this plainly: a public official nicknamed Tater went to court over golf carts and won. That is the most Gulf Coast sentence ever assembled by human hands. There’s a whole drama in there I’m not qualified to litigate, but the energy is immaculate. Tater 1, City Hall 0. The people’s golf cart shall roll free.
📈 Everybody and Their Cousin Is Moving to Baldwin County
New U.S. Census data shows a population boom in Baldwin County, particularly in Silverhill. To the people of Silverhill: I’m sorry. You were a secret and now you’re a statistic. This is what happens when you have the audacity to be a pleasant place to live near the water — eventually the rest of the country notices and shows up with a U-Haul and an opinion about your roads. Resist as long as you can. Tell them the mosquitoes are worse than they are. Actually, don’t — they’re already exactly that bad.
📻 Finally, the Most Wholesome Thing Happening This Weekend
Amateur Radio Field Day is this weekend with free demonstrations, put on by the Five Flags Amateur Radio Association in partnership with Escambia County Emergency Management. In an era where my phone can’t find signal in my own kitchen, there is a dedicated crew of people who can talk to a stranger three states away using a wire and pure determination. These are the folks you’ll want around when the grid goes down and the rest of us are crying at a dead screen. Go say hi. Learn something. Respect the hobby.
That’s your week, Gulf Coast. The Wahoos are alive, the giraffe is immortal, the casino boat is going for a permanent swim, and Tater is undefeated in the eyes of the law. See you next week — I’ll be the one negotiating a peace treaty with the ants.
— Sully