The Salt Line, Vol. 18: Straight A's, a Sunken Casino, and a Ball Team on a Mood Swing
Welcome back to The Salt Line — the only Gulf Coast news roundup written in the shade because it is 200 degrees out and the weatherman used the word “dangerous” like it was a normal Tuesday. Volume 18. We persist. Let’s get into it.
🍎 The Whole County Made Honor Roll and Won’t Stop Talking About It
Big week for Escambia County’s academic self-esteem. Tate High School earned its first-ever “A” grade from the state — the first traditional high school in the county to pull it off — and then, not to be outdone, the entire Escambia County school district went and got an “A” too, alongside Santa Rosa and Okaloosa. Three counties, straight A’s, all in one morning. I don’t want to alarm anyone, but at this rate the report card is going on the refrigerator and we are all going to have to hear about it at every cookout through Labor Day. Genuinely proud of the kids and the teachers, though. Somebody buy a faculty a beer.
🎰 A Casino Boat Finally Cashed Out (Downward)
This is my favorite kind of story. The Argosy VI, a retired casino boat, was sunk off the coast of Orange Beach to become the newest artificial reef in the nation’s largest artificial reef system — the paper’s phrase was that it “hit the jackpot one last time.” Twenty-three miles south of Perdido Pass, dozens of boats gathered to watch a former gambling vessel go quietly to the bottom to make friends with the grouper. And honestly? That’s a beautiful retirement. No traffic, no last call, no one asking you to break a hundred. It spent years idle on the waterfront and now it’s the hottest new address for snapper. We should all be so lucky.
⚾ The Blue Wahoos Are Going Through Something
Pay close attention because the timeline matters. On Tuesday, the Blue Wahoos blasted the Rocket City Trash Pandas 9-2 for their fourth straight win, reportedly “continuing to punish Southern League pitching” after scoring twelve runs a night the previous weekend. Unstoppable. A juggernaut. And then, roughly one day later, Hernández’s homer was not enough in a 7-1 loss to those very same Trash Pandas, managing all of three hits. So in the span of about 24 hours we went from “punishing the league” to “one guy hit a solo shot and then everyone went home.” I’m not saying the Wahoos are moody. I’m saying if this team were a person, you’d gently ask if they’d been sleeping okay.
🎓 Foley Just Keeps Producing Absolute Units of Young People
Two Foley High Schoolers landed Scholar Athlete of the Week honors this week, and I love this beat. Rashad Jones ran track and field and is, by all accounts, an excellent student, and William Quarles played defensive line, got voted the kid with the most school spirit, AND was homecoming king. Read that last one again. Defensive line, most school spirit, and homecoming king. Some of us are out here just trying to remember to reapply sunscreen and this young man was quietly running his entire high school. Foley, once again, quietly assembling a roster of overachievers while the rest of us watch. Salute.
🅿️ Just In Time for the Fireworks, a Bill
And here it is — Gulf Shores has launched paid beach parking ahead of July 4th weekend, with rates that “vary by location and time of day” to, and I quote, “improve turnover near businesses.” Improve turnover. That’s a lovely way of saying “please stop leaving your car at the beach for nine hours.” Look, I understand the math — a million people, a finite number of lots, a holiday weekend — but there’s something poetic about the meter arriving precisely in time for the single busiest beach day of the calendar. Bring quarters. Or a bike. Or, ideally, walk. More on surviving the weekend in last week’s column, which will not charge you by the hour.
☀️ The Weather Report Is Just Two Guys Disagreeing About the Sky
I’ll leave you where the forecast left me: confused but optimistic. On one hand, the Fourth of July weekend is shaping up to have “great beach and boating weather” from Mobile to Pensacola. On the other hand, the big story is “dangerous heat” with an upper-level ridge parked over us like a bad neighbor and heat index numbers flirting with triple digits. So the beach weather is fantastic, provided you can survive being outside in it. Front-load your day, drink more water than you think you need, and check today’s conditions before you go. The Gulf is gorgeous right now. It’s also trying to poach you like an egg.
That’s your week, Gulf Coast. The kids are geniuses, the casino boat found peace, the Wahoos are in their feelings, and parking now comes with an invoice. Stay in the shade, and I’ll see you next week.
— Chris