The Salt Line, Vol. 25: Dear Salt Line — Saharan Dust, a 30-Year Bridge, and Back-to-School in July
Welcome back to The Salt Line, Volume 25. This week we’re doing something different: I opened the mailbag. Now, legally and morally I must tell you these letters are invented — no actual reader wrote to me about their deck — but every answer contains real, verified Gulf Coast news, because that’s the deal around here. The letters are fake. The news is not. Let’s dispense some wisdom.
📬 “Dear Salt Line, my car is filthy and I refuse to take responsibility”
Dear Salt Line: I washed my truck Sunday. By Tuesday it looked like I’d driven it through a pottery studio. I have touched nothing. Who do I sue? — Dusty in Innerarity
Dusty, put the lawyer down. A plume of Saharan dust is crossing the Atlantic right now, bound for the Caribbean and eventually our stretch of the Gulf Coast. Sit with that itinerary for a second. This dust formed in the Sahara Desert, rose into the sky, and committed to a journey of several thousand miles over open ocean — no layovers, no snacks — specifically to arrive here and settle on your Tacoma. That is not weather. That is devotion. When it arrives you’ll get milky skies and sunsets that look like the cover of an album your uncle owns. The dust sends its regards, and it will be attending events later in this column.
📬 “Dear Salt Line, my husband has been ‘about to finish’ the deck since our wedding”
Dear Salt Line: My husband started rebuilding our back deck when we got married. We have since had two children, one of whom can drive. He says it’s “in the permitting phase.” Is there hope? — Waiting in Ono Island
Waiting, I bring you the most hopeful story on the entire Gulf Coast. Alabama’s two U.S. senators say the Mobile River Bridge and Bayway project may be moving toward construction after — and this is the real number — thirty years of discussion and delay. Thirty. The bridge has been talked about longer than Google has existed. There are adults with mortgages who were not born when this conversation started. And note the language: it “may be moving toward construction.” Not building. Not breaking ground. Moving toward. After three decades we have achieved a direction. So yes, there’s hope for your deck. Statistically it’s due around 2049.
📬 “Dear Salt Line, my kid wants to quit swim lessons because the first one went badly”
Dear Salt Line: My son had one rough swim lesson and now says the pool is “not part of his story.” How do I explain perseverance to an eight-year-old? — Treading Water in Cottage Hill
You show him the Pensacola Blue Wahoos, who this week fell behind 2-0 two batters into the game and came back to beat the Montgomery Biscuits 8-7 on four home runs and one very big inning — their second consecutive come-from-behind win. Two batters in, down two. Most of us would have declared the evening not part of our story. The Wahoos hit four home runs about it. Also, and I say this as neutral journalism: they beat a team called the Biscuits. A team of fish defeated a team of breakfast. Show your son the box score. If that doesn’t work, nothing in print will.
📬 “Dear Salt Line, I saw a back-to-school display and my whole body went cold”
Dear Salt Line: It is the second week of July. I still have sparklers left. Why is everything already backpacks? — Not Ready in Foley
Not Ready, I regret to confirm your eyes. Tanger Outlets in Foley is throwing its annual Back-To-School Bash on Saturday, July 18, from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. — free, with face painting and inflatables. That is exactly two weeks after the fireworks. The kids are barely done being sunburned from the Fourth and we’re already face-painting them and bouncing them toward the school year like you’d throw a going-away party for somebody who doesn’t know they’re leaving. To be fair: it’s free, it’s fun, and inflatables in July are a public service. But somewhere between the sparkler aisle and the pencil aisle, summer files a formal complaint.
📬 “Dear Salt Line, I need one good reason to leave the house this weekend”
Dear Salt Line: The AC is winning. My couch has a version of my body memorized. Give me one reason. — Comfortable in Perdido Key
One reason, coming up: Taylor Hicks is headlining the 11th annual ‘Back to the Bama Bash’ at the Flora-Bama this weekend. An Alabama native and an actual American Idol winner, at the most famous roadhouse on any state line in America. That’s not an event, that’s a homecoming with a sound system. And here’s your bonus, Comfortable: remember our friend from the first letter? If that Saharan dust arrives on schedule, the sky over that show could be running the most dramatic sunset filter the Gulf owns — hand-delivered, five thousand miles, no charge. The Sahara is doing more for your weekend than your couch ever has.
That’s the mailbag, folks. A bridge learned to point at construction, a fish team ate a plate of Biscuits, and the world’s most committed dust is currently over the Atlantic rehearsing its entrance. Keep the letters coming — I’ll keep making them up.
— Chris
