Sand in the Coffee, Vol. 120: the beach umbrella, and which way the wind takes it
Every fall I watch the same short film. A striped umbrella pops out of the sand, rolls once on its canopy and sets off down the beach like it has an appointment. A man in a visor follows at a speed he hasn’t attempted since high school, still holding his drink. Two strangers join the chase. At the halfway mark, the umbrella leads comfortably.
The cast changes. The plot doesn’t. Somebody planted that umbrella the way you plant one in July, and October has other ideas.
why fall is different
In summer, the afternoon wind on this coast mostly blows in off the Gulf. That’s the sea breeze, and it means a runaway umbrella heads inland, toward the dunes, into somebody’s cabana or the back of a stranger’s head. Embarrassing, but recoverable.
After a fall cold front, the wind swings around and comes out of the north, off the land and out over the water. Now a loose umbrella heads for the Gulf. So do your towel, your hat, the paper plates and anything inflatable, and that last one isn’t a joke. More on it below.
It works the same on both sides of the state line. The Key and Orange Beach both face south, so a north wind is offshore at every beach access from Johnson Beach to the far end of Orange Beach.
read it before you carry it
Check the wind at /beach-today/ with breakfast. Then, when you get to the walkover, find the nearest flag on a pole and stand facing the water. If the flag is pointing out to sea, the wind is at your back, and it’s offshore. If every flag in sight is standing straight out, it’s a hat day, and the umbrella can stay in the car.
You can also cheat. The cam at /live-cam/ shows the beach as it is right now. If there are umbrellas on screen and they’re all leaning the same way, yours will join them.
how to plant one so it stays
Dig, don’t stab. Most people push the pole in a few inches, lean on it and call it done. Get it about two feet down. Two feet feels excessive. Two feet is correct. Rock the pole in a small circle as you push and the sand gets out of its way.
Use water. The sugar-white sand down here is beautiful and has roughly the structural integrity of actual sugar. Fill the hole back in around the pole, pour in a cup or two of Gulf water and pack it down hard with your heel. Wet sand holds. Dry sand pours.
Lean it into the wind. Tilt the pole toward where the wind is coming from, so the wind hits the top of the canopy and presses it down. Wind that gets underneath is how umbrellas learn to fly. On a north-wind day that means leaning it toward the dunes, which looks wrong and isn’t. If you lose some shade, move the chair, not the umbrella.
Buy an anchor. A screw-in sand anchor, the plastic auger the pole drops into, is sold at beach stores on both sides of the line. It costs about what a Bushwacker does and lasts considerably longer.
Never leave it open and alone. An open umbrella with nobody minding it is a kite with ambitions. Close it before you go in the water. With an east wind on the Key, an unattended one is headed for Alabama.
Know when to fold. If you’ve reset it twice in an hour, the wind has won the argument. Close it, lay it flat and wear the hat.
the floats stay in the condo
This is the serious part. The north wind that carries an umbrella to the water carries a float faster. And offshore days are deceptive: wind blowing off the land lays the surf down near shore, so the water looks flat and friendly. A raft, a lounger, a giant inflatable flamingo, or a kid on any of them can drift out past standing depth quicker than an adult can swim after it.
On an offshore-wind day, leave the inflatables inside. If a kid is on anything that floats, stay within arm’s reach. And if a float blows away, let it go. They’re cheap. Nobody in history has been glad they chased a pool float out to sea.
when you pack up
Close the umbrella before you pull it, or it will catch one last gust on the way out. Then fill in your hole. All of it. Both sides of the state line have leave-no-trace rules that say your gear comes off the beach at the end of the day, and an open hole is an ankle-breaker for anyone walking at dusk and a trap for sea turtle hatchlings. Nesting season runs through the end of October. You dug two feet. Put the two feet back.
or hire it out
Plenty of beach services on both sides of the line will rent you a chair-and-umbrella set and plant it before you get there. They do this every morning and they buy their own replacements, so theirs go in deep. This late in the year, call ahead to make sure they’re still setting up.
As for this year’s man in the visor: he got his umbrella back at the waterline, from a kid of about nine who had watched the whole thing and simply stepped on it. Then he planted it again, four inches deep. I expect we’ll see each other next week.
— Chris
P.S. Know a beach service, rental shop, restaurant or event we’re missing, Florida side or Alabama side? Add it, free: /submit/. Unlike an umbrella, it’ll stay where you put it.
